Sometimes being me isn’t easy lol.
I asked a question recently of some of you. Do you really love God and how do you know?
I pondered that with my finite brain for a few days and although this isn’t a definitive answer I do believe it approaches the subject.
My first thoughts were about the power of words. I decided long ago in my teens that I wanted to be an encourager. I had grown up with so much negativity I didn’t want anyone to be reduced by my words. I know the power of words because I have been damaged by some things said to me.
God says so much about words.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Bridle the tongue
Iron sharpens iron
But exhort one another while it is called today.
Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you should answer every man.
Be ye doers of the word and not hearers only
There is safety in a multitude of counselors
Speak the truth in love
The list is much longer, but this will become a book instead of a little bit of sharing.
Here’s where my brain went with this.
Words are powerful
The Word was in the beginning, The Word and the Holy Spirit to interpret that Word, is what God left us until the end.
I know lately I have been greatly affected by words. I guess because I do try to be very careful what I say to others and I try to be careful how I treat everyone. I try to make sure what I am saying is something I can back up with my actions. I watch for that in other people too. I know we all fail sometimes.
There are many catch phrases in life, such as someone can’t make you happy, or sticks and stones blah, blah, blah, actions speak louder than words. I really don’t wholly accept these phrases because God admonishes us to be careful with our words. A person can with words hurt you. In 46 years I have been told and reinforced of all my short comings. Lol. I can long remember the hurtful things, and cherish the few nice things said to me.
Words do shape our courses just as the tongue is compared to the rudder of a ship. Such a little thing can steer our thoughts and actions. It is up to us to weigh and place value or power if you will into what others have said, but we are also responsible for what we say. Believe me ACTIONS do SPEAK. Remember conversation in the Bible is translated, manner of life, or if you will actions.
So where am I today? Well in light of some things said to me I would have to say I am being reinforced and trained at least by words I am hearing and have been even distracted with the message I have been receiving lately. I know we all say things we don’t mean, but a consistent message does get conveyed when it’s repeated. What message are we giving God if we truly love him? What message are we giving others if we love them?
Please think about it. I am saying this. You can tell by a persons words, how they feel about you, if they respect you, if they want you, if they value you, if they cherish you, if they love you, if they hate you, if they are annoyed with you, if you mean anything at all to them. You have to know that your words are a revelation to a person just as God’s words are a revelation to us. All of his intentions and longings and desires for us are in His written word.
People act on what they believe. What do you believe?
My well has been dry for a while and I can say hearing anything nice would be a drink of refreshing water.
God bless you all. Treat each other with charity.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Friday, June 1, 2007
Square peg in a round vacuum
You might remember being a little kid and getting a wooden bench with a hammer and several different shaped colorful pegs to hammer into the bench. I have such a fond memory. I had my little multi-colored pegs and would find the exact shape to hammer them into. The round one fit the round hole and the square one fit the square hole. Of course being the little thrill seeking kid I was I would try to hammer the square one into the round hole. It didn’t work but I would try. It wasn’t long before my hours of pounding away bored me. Because to a 4 year old with a hammer the entire universe is a nail, I tried to make other connections with my hammer. I found that although the square peg didn’t fit in the round hole of my workbench it would fit in the vacuum cleaner hose. I also found that it took about an hour to drive a nail into the floor with a wooden hammer. I must have hit it a gazillion times. I remember resting my arm thinking that I was doing real important work that had to be finished. Nothing else existed in the world but my mission to get that nail secure. After the nail was safely driven into my Mom’s hardwood floor behind the recliner I went on in search of bigger and better things. My next stop was to make a connection that would shock me into reality. I found that a slotted screwdriver and an electrical outlet are compatible in shape only. The sparks are neat but the bite was a note to self. “whew, that was scary but I liveded” Yeah I said lived-ed. That was how I said it cuz I was a widdle kid.
Even to this day sometimes that little chubby legged, wide eyed girl still tries to fit things in life where they don’t belong. I can only speak for myself but I pray this doesn’t fall on deaf ears. My sincere desire is to share things to spare people the pain of my mistakes and to shine the light of God’s grace so bright He is seen clearly for who He is and will be.
As a creation of the Master we are not made to be isolated,individual, islands to ourselves. It doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to rationalize that. You can see it evident in the fact that God communed with Adam each evening in the Garden. It’s evident that God saw the longing in Adam and created Eve. Now get this, God walked with Adam daily but still saw a human need in him that he knew he had to immediately meet. So he created woman. Now before you run with this because I don’t want to add to the Word of God or take away. My point here is that God met the need not that for every man there is a woman. I guess you would have to take that up with the Holy Spirit. So I won’t add that further on God said it is not good for man to be alone and that He also said He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Ok off the rabbit trail back to the point.
The little girl in me tried all my life to fit those pegs into places they didn’t belong. The first time I remember trying to make something work was trying to win my Dad’s approval. I always thought Dad shouldn’t have had kids. He was distant, critical, and not touchy feely. I always thought he was unapproachable. I wanted the kind of Dad that I could crawl up into his lap and feel strong arms safe arms around me that loved me. I went on to try to fill the empty space with accomplishment. For years I tried everything. I took dance and music lessons, was president of several clubs in high school and college, excelled at most things I tried. Whatever career I chose I found a way to make it work for me and did my best. Disappointing anyone was rare, extremely rare. Still I was invisible to Dad, so I moved on. My heart got to a place that it could no longer seek his love.
The next peg I tried to fit was marriage. This peg seemed to fit but something was different. I didn’t choose to be my Dad’s daughter, but I did choose to be my husband’s wife and he chose me. I thought the peg finally fit, I thought I had a win win situation. Marrying my college sweetheart, thinking he didn’t do the things my Dad did and to top it off was going to be a preacher. How could this not fit. Unfortunately I spent the next 20 years being invisible to my ex. It was Dad all over again. How ironically cruel. During the marriage I tried another peg. Children!!! Oh my, what a fit. I had two precious girls who are human like me but still on a good path in life. They have been my joy and privilege to raise for God. Still the fit was good but not complete. Something was missing. My marriage finally came to an unexpected end after 20 years and here I was. Damage was done that I had to work and am working hard to rise above. The future presented new spaces to fill, but with what peg?
The five years since my divorce have been bittersweet. They have been filled with my first experiences at failure, deep depression, intense hurt, and regretful mistakes that have wracked my heart and mind to utter exhaustion. They have also been growing years. I can still hear my pastor back home say. “Healthy things grow” I have found friendship in unlikely people and places and have gone outside my box to grow and become who I am becoming. (How deep is that?) Mistakes and all I am a more blessed person today than I was five years ago and have still a future to become more for the Lord, Lord willing. My situation right now is heart breaking and stressful at times. All my choices for remedy or relief are not very appealing and downright painful. I didn’t come to Texas to fail. I know this and I believe with all my being, there is a day out there if I trust Him that the Lord will restore what the locust have eaten. God will use his hammer to fill the pegs in my life. Cramming anything into a God only vacancy will lead to pain.
God according to Jeremiah 29:11 has a plan for my life, but I have learned something so significant this is what I want to share.
God has a plan for my life and satan has a counterfeit plan. Satan’s plan produces pegs that never quite fit. He has waged spiritual warfare against us to try to insure we miss the right pegs. It is warfare that is ugly and strategically planned. God’s plan produces pegs that fit and are permanent.
God’s grace separates us from the imperfect law in a way that gives us permission to grow and to understand complete forgiveness and imputed righteousness. God can’t and won’t love me less or more based on my circumstances or decisions. There are always consequences for what I allow or decide, but ultimately my justification is settled. Out of love and a thankful heart I serve and want to hear well done from a Father who loves me and covers me with his safe wings. He is there daily to give good gifts to His children.
God will never go against His Word to accomplish anything through or for me.
When I am doubtful, fearful, stressed out, overwhelmed, mentally exhausted and physically weary, I can be sure that behind those strong emotions there you will find my own flesh and the devil having a tea party at my expense. My bank account becomes empty and can’t keep writing those checks. I become overdrawn. When nothing changes nothing changes. People around me miss the best I have to offer. So I pray what David prayed, Create in me a clean heart (cuz ya don’t want sin to be in the way) and renew a right spirit within me (cuz the above is not right spirited thinking) cast me not away from thy presence (ok, this brings tears, I can crawl in Abba’s lap and be safe) take not thy Holy Spirit from me (I am never alone!!!) Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation ( God is about upward and forward!!!)
I am not defined by a mistake, a moment, a failure or success, by anyone who loves or doesn’t love me, or those who stay or leave my life, no one gets to write my story but the God who saved me. I am defined by the pages in His book and what He has written to me and about me will be forever established as my story. I am His purchase and the price He paid I could never repay. I can only pray I grow and that His relationship with me will define me to others as a light.
So where do I go from here? Yikes what a novel. Well I am me, a dreamer, a happy ever after kinda gal. So I have to be careful with my life and set boundaries that don’t get me in so deep in the miry clay. I have to have feet free to move so I can soar like the eagles as God said. When I get away from reality I chase after pegs that for one reason or another do not fit my life. Then I sink. Please pray for me. I want to make the best of what time I have left. I know only the wisdom of God will lead me on the rest of my journey. I know there is pain around the bend before the next happiness.
Love you ALL!!!
Even to this day sometimes that little chubby legged, wide eyed girl still tries to fit things in life where they don’t belong. I can only speak for myself but I pray this doesn’t fall on deaf ears. My sincere desire is to share things to spare people the pain of my mistakes and to shine the light of God’s grace so bright He is seen clearly for who He is and will be.
As a creation of the Master we are not made to be isolated,individual, islands to ourselves. It doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to rationalize that. You can see it evident in the fact that God communed with Adam each evening in the Garden. It’s evident that God saw the longing in Adam and created Eve. Now get this, God walked with Adam daily but still saw a human need in him that he knew he had to immediately meet. So he created woman. Now before you run with this because I don’t want to add to the Word of God or take away. My point here is that God met the need not that for every man there is a woman. I guess you would have to take that up with the Holy Spirit. So I won’t add that further on God said it is not good for man to be alone and that He also said He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Ok off the rabbit trail back to the point.
The little girl in me tried all my life to fit those pegs into places they didn’t belong. The first time I remember trying to make something work was trying to win my Dad’s approval. I always thought Dad shouldn’t have had kids. He was distant, critical, and not touchy feely. I always thought he was unapproachable. I wanted the kind of Dad that I could crawl up into his lap and feel strong arms safe arms around me that loved me. I went on to try to fill the empty space with accomplishment. For years I tried everything. I took dance and music lessons, was president of several clubs in high school and college, excelled at most things I tried. Whatever career I chose I found a way to make it work for me and did my best. Disappointing anyone was rare, extremely rare. Still I was invisible to Dad, so I moved on. My heart got to a place that it could no longer seek his love.
The next peg I tried to fit was marriage. This peg seemed to fit but something was different. I didn’t choose to be my Dad’s daughter, but I did choose to be my husband’s wife and he chose me. I thought the peg finally fit, I thought I had a win win situation. Marrying my college sweetheart, thinking he didn’t do the things my Dad did and to top it off was going to be a preacher. How could this not fit. Unfortunately I spent the next 20 years being invisible to my ex. It was Dad all over again. How ironically cruel. During the marriage I tried another peg. Children!!! Oh my, what a fit. I had two precious girls who are human like me but still on a good path in life. They have been my joy and privilege to raise for God. Still the fit was good but not complete. Something was missing. My marriage finally came to an unexpected end after 20 years and here I was. Damage was done that I had to work and am working hard to rise above. The future presented new spaces to fill, but with what peg?
The five years since my divorce have been bittersweet. They have been filled with my first experiences at failure, deep depression, intense hurt, and regretful mistakes that have wracked my heart and mind to utter exhaustion. They have also been growing years. I can still hear my pastor back home say. “Healthy things grow” I have found friendship in unlikely people and places and have gone outside my box to grow and become who I am becoming. (How deep is that?) Mistakes and all I am a more blessed person today than I was five years ago and have still a future to become more for the Lord, Lord willing. My situation right now is heart breaking and stressful at times. All my choices for remedy or relief are not very appealing and downright painful. I didn’t come to Texas to fail. I know this and I believe with all my being, there is a day out there if I trust Him that the Lord will restore what the locust have eaten. God will use his hammer to fill the pegs in my life. Cramming anything into a God only vacancy will lead to pain.
God according to Jeremiah 29:11 has a plan for my life, but I have learned something so significant this is what I want to share.
God has a plan for my life and satan has a counterfeit plan. Satan’s plan produces pegs that never quite fit. He has waged spiritual warfare against us to try to insure we miss the right pegs. It is warfare that is ugly and strategically planned. God’s plan produces pegs that fit and are permanent.
God’s grace separates us from the imperfect law in a way that gives us permission to grow and to understand complete forgiveness and imputed righteousness. God can’t and won’t love me less or more based on my circumstances or decisions. There are always consequences for what I allow or decide, but ultimately my justification is settled. Out of love and a thankful heart I serve and want to hear well done from a Father who loves me and covers me with his safe wings. He is there daily to give good gifts to His children.
God will never go against His Word to accomplish anything through or for me.
When I am doubtful, fearful, stressed out, overwhelmed, mentally exhausted and physically weary, I can be sure that behind those strong emotions there you will find my own flesh and the devil having a tea party at my expense. My bank account becomes empty and can’t keep writing those checks. I become overdrawn. When nothing changes nothing changes. People around me miss the best I have to offer. So I pray what David prayed, Create in me a clean heart (cuz ya don’t want sin to be in the way) and renew a right spirit within me (cuz the above is not right spirited thinking) cast me not away from thy presence (ok, this brings tears, I can crawl in Abba’s lap and be safe) take not thy Holy Spirit from me (I am never alone!!!) Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation ( God is about upward and forward!!!)
I am not defined by a mistake, a moment, a failure or success, by anyone who loves or doesn’t love me, or those who stay or leave my life, no one gets to write my story but the God who saved me. I am defined by the pages in His book and what He has written to me and about me will be forever established as my story. I am His purchase and the price He paid I could never repay. I can only pray I grow and that His relationship with me will define me to others as a light.
So where do I go from here? Yikes what a novel. Well I am me, a dreamer, a happy ever after kinda gal. So I have to be careful with my life and set boundaries that don’t get me in so deep in the miry clay. I have to have feet free to move so I can soar like the eagles as God said. When I get away from reality I chase after pegs that for one reason or another do not fit my life. Then I sink. Please pray for me. I want to make the best of what time I have left. I know only the wisdom of God will lead me on the rest of my journey. I know there is pain around the bend before the next happiness.
Love you ALL!!!
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